When I'm feeling anxious, and especially when I'm going through a depressive episode, I find that my motivation to lace up for a run or head to the gym is next to nothing. When I'm feeling super down on myself, I find that more often than not I either have to:
A. Suck it up and just work out anyway, or
B. Work through whatever I'm experiencing mentally and sacrifice the workout
Until recently I've let myself rely on option B more often than not, which ultimately makes me feel like *more* of a failure. (So, you know... not a great solution.) I've more recently (with my #Sub5orBust training) started to get back on the option A train and get out there and train regardless how I feel mentally. Usually this is where people might say "and after my run/work out I feel SO MUCH BETTER"... but more often than not that's not really the case for me. I guess I feel better in the sense that I've accomplished a task, but I'm usually around the same level of anxious or depressed following a work out that I was before I exercised.
I've also found recently, that my anxiety LOVES to escalate itself in the following hours/day after a really huge work out. I've had a LOT of break downs the day after long runs or marathons, and I'm not sure if that's just the exhaustion at play, but it's super frustrating. I find that I can get super irritated at the drop of a hat, I'm worried about EVERYTHING, and my mind is often super clouded. I remember specifically getting so upset over the fact that I didn't have enough quarters to do my laundry the day after the Coastal Delaware Marathon that I felt the need to scream and cry in my car. Like... what? Why was I so upset about that when I could have easily have gotten more quarters? Shouldn't I have been on an endorphin high after such a huge physical accomplishments? Am I a weirdo? 😂
I did a little Google search to see if anyone else was feeling similarly, and while I didn't find a ton out there, I did find a handful of blog posts and articles that speak to this topic (all with surprisingly similar titles):
Running is NOT My Therapy - Mommy Runs It, 2015
No, Running Isn't Always the Best Therapy - Runner's World, 2018
Running Isn't Therapy - Trail Runner, 2019
I think one of the biggest takeaways that I found in these articles is that folks can sometimes feel guilty being a runner that doesn't find the solution to all of their problems by running. It's almost like there's a stigma against not feeling mentally AMAZING after putting in a good workout. I can totally relate to feeling this guilt. Everyone else talks about how great they feel after a run, because no one wants to post about how shitty they still feel after putting in a tough workout. It's another side effect of that ~perfect life~ everyone wants to post onto their social feeds. This is why talking about this stuff is SO IMPORTANT. Having an open dialogue about our experiences (no matter how ugly) will bring us closer as a community, and ultimately make it easier for us to support one another through the hard times as well as the exciting ones.
I don't really have an explanation as to why this is my experience. I don't find running as an escape or a solution to feeling stressed, anxious, or depressed, and I don't think I have an answer as to why that is. I don't think that's a bad thing or a weird thing, but it's what I experience as a runner. I wish I could be one of those runners that could let my worries melt away after a run, but that's just not me, and I think we as runners should be talking about this more. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way, and I'd love to hear from folks who might have similar experiences to me. I feel like mental health isn't talked about very explicitly in the running community, and I would love to see that change!
Do you use running or exercise as a form of therapy?
Do you tend to feel better mentally after a work out?
Let me know in the comments!
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